Currently writing this post from my dinning room again. The room is lit only by the Christmas tree and a small lamp in the kitchen. 6pm rush hour traffic noise vibrates it’s way into the room every 5-10 seconds. I love my neighborhood for several reasons. One reason being it’s busy during the day which motivates me to get out and be apart of the hustle and bustle. At night, the neighborhood completely quiets down. Making the 4 plex a peaceful sanctuary to come home to.
Does anyone remember my posting back in September about my summer’s experience on the dating apps? To be honest i’d be surprised if you did remember so stop now and read My summer dating app stories. It will give you a little preface to this article.
That article was written and posted a few weeks after I had met a “someone” on the app. The list of requirements that are written at the end of the last article, were all met by this guy. How stoked was I! The power of asking for what I want in someone, writing those wishes down, and having mostly all of them check out in real life. Crazy, isn’t it?
The intention I had for the apps, was to meet someone I could learn from. Grow from. For myself. I wanted to learn more about what I need in a partner. To show myself how far I had come from my last major heart break. My intention was to be vulnerable again with another human being. I had done the work the past 2.5 years of healing, growing and getting to know myself better. It was made known to myself, my friends and the universe I was ready to learn again through these dating apps.
Flashback to my soothing self talk last week: No where did I put out there I was ready to meet The One. I don’t believe in “The One” but work with me here for it’s dramatic affect 🙂 The familiar pain of heartbreak came to visit again when my “someone” to learn from said the relationship was over. He wasn’t ready to commit. He had swiped left.
“No where did I put out there I was ready to meet The One” I repeated to myself over and over again that night through the confusion and sniffling tears.
What a night it was to feel those feelings again. After making a cup of tea, I smiled and hugged myself in bed that night and said, “Yes, we are FEELING. Feeling every last drop that a human is blessed to feel. Sadness, rejection, joy, gratitude, anger..”
What I’ve learned is taking time to grieve and feel what you’re feeling, is the healthiest way to deal with hardship. This past weekend my heart was eager to meet up with girlfriends, have lunch, go for coffee, journal, stretch, spend a day at the beach. Surround myself with family and little ones who make you giggle and run and play with them. Break an extra sweat in the gym. Eat- A lot! 🙂 The good foods and the not so good. There are still chocolate pretzel crumbs in my bed.
To honor what’s good, you must also honor what doesn’t feel so good. To experience hurt and sadness means the relations with another meant something to you. There’s strength in these emotions that are often heavily avoided.
When he swipes left, it’s not the end of the world. It’s the end of one chapter that is going to take you into the next. More educated. More aware. More excited. More of everything.
More opportunities for many more swipe rights. 😉
Thanks for reading xo