The Start Of Something New… A Late Night Journal Entry

From the moment we are able to string a simple sentence together when we are young, we are faced with the loaded question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Some kids say they want to be like their parents, because at that young age, your parents are the leading role models in your world. They are your care takers, your hand holders, your everything. “I want to be just like mommy!” 

High School and College comes around and things get a bit more serious. College School choices must be made. I was always so intimidated by college, and school in general for that matter. I have vivid memories of feeling so hopelessly lost and confused, thinking that one wrong move would end my world. My world that I really had nothing yet to know much about.

My world now is still changing and I am still asking, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” I live in a city, Los Angeles, California, where you’re never expected to grow up. There are pockets of friends and communities of people that seem to be able to stay young and commitment free forever. And guess what? No one really questions them.

At 26 years old, my younger self thought I would be married, have at least one child and know what I wanted to be when I grew up. And though I don’t have a time line or ounce of clarity to any of those matters, I am discovering what I DON’T want.

I would never in a million years have thought I would be living the life I am today. I wake up each morning, unemployed. I don’t know where my next paycheck is coming from. I don’t know how I’ll pay my bills next month. But I can tell you one thing, I am so happy and so grateful for the fire it lights under my bum each and every day to get up and ask myself, “What do I want to be when I grow up?”

Tomorrow marks the birth of a special project. A project that has been in the works for quiet some time now. Most of my friends and family know I am super interested and passionate about health and wellness. This new project encompasses all things health, fitness into a coaching business for women who want to become a healthier version of themselves.

From being a lanky teenager in middle school, afraid to show her arms and legs because they were “too thin” and I looked liked “I just needed to eat a hamburger”. To a career in modeling that PAYS for those once insecure body image complexes. To a woman in her mid 20’s who’s tried every diet and exercise program under the sun and still counting and is still struggle with body acceptance.

My new project feels right at home with my soul. It’s just enough of a challenge to make me feel nervous, excited, thrilled, motivated, breathless, scared, shocked, curious and just plan giddy. But not flat out hopeless like choosing a career once did.

Each day strings together another set of days, moments and big collisions in life to become one big story of your life. My current nervously sleepless night is a blimp along my timeline of life.

Will I fail? Will I disappoint? Will the program even work?

What does feel good to know at 26  is NOTHING happens over night. Even though time seems to be moving at a faster pace the older we get, it also seems we are able to understand that things happen slowly and take time.


Stay tuned… 🙂