Hmmm where to start…….
Ill start 1 month ago, when I sat down to my laptop to search for flights from LAX to NYC. I was already in NY but way outside of the city babysitting my 3 angel’s of little cousins. Manhattan felt so close but so far away….
4 years ago this December, I use to live in The City That Never Sleeps. Hoping from burrow to burrow, living off couches, sharing queen sizes beds in Battery Park with another model, calling a beautiful brown stone in Cobble Hill “home”. A studio off Wall street and spare bedroom in Williamsburg were also all “home” at one point along the journey…
Whether it was the itch to get back to experience the city with different eyes…. or searching for nostalgia that was rippling through my veins… I booked a red eye that night in the Hampton’s for a 3 day weekend in the City come September.
I sought out to make the time in the city a work trip, setting up a photoshoot with a very talented photographer out of Brooklyn. Photos of that shoot to come soon 🙂
Stepping off the Q train into Soho, adrenaline immediately hit and rushed through my body. Holy moly, hello New York. The crowded streets, yellow taxi’s blaring their horns, the clouds looming amongst the sky scrappers. Oh how I had missed the city.
With the adrenaline juicing me through the jet lag, I walked the streets of Manhattan as if it had been decades since we last met. 4 years ago… these streets were my everyday reality. Subway riding up to and from the Upper East Side, to Times Square, to Dumbo, and back to Hell’s kitchen, all in an afternoon. Most of the commute was going on castings for modeling. I was by no means thriving on those streets, though. The city ate me up and chewed me back out, twice. I had sworn off NYC for several years identifying it with pain, heartbreak, character loss, career confusion, and more.
But here I was again, with the same body, same mind, but different strength and appreciation for my surroundings. A new fantasy of the city had been created. Equipped with social media, dating apps, and influencer apps, I sought out to leave my comfort zone and feel free…. not constrained by time, obligations or worries.
Que, “Instagram”. I received a direct message from a local man living in the city that morning….I hardly ever respond to DM’s especially when it’s from a man trying to “hook it up.” Well, personal rules inevitably get broken…. and here I was on my second margarita that evening while dinning at my friends restaurant. Samantha with a mix of Carrie (Sex and The City reference) came out to play…..
Next thing I knew I was ubering from the East Village up to Park Avenue to meet Mr. DM for a drink at his place of work. I came to the city to feel alive, free from my limits and worries…. the opportunity presented itself to play that out..
Without having had the usual “online creep” that we all do before we meet someone. Check out their IG, google them, ask friends, find their facebook- you know, normal every day single girl detective work. The guy was just as blank to me as could be in respect of judgements and pre-concieved ideas… because I hadn’t had time to form any.
As he rounded the corner of this gorgeous hotel right near Central Park, butterflies shot through my stomach. He had something. Samantha’s lips turned into a smile, and Carrie lead with a, “Hi, well isn’t this 2018 of us”.
Without getting into too many details… relations progressed passed that evening and sparked an intense, wild, unfiltered, un-judged, web of euphoria and sparkling connection for the weekend.
The time spent together progressed passed a “Samantha night out”…..and 3 days later after returning to LA from the East Coast, has had me feeling jolted and…. funny.
After time, senses, life, and reality caught up with me Wednesday. I realized as quickly as the relations and touch, and conversations and sense of companionship sparked… they were just as quick to go. With my mind trying to make reason and my body trying to knock at my soul for some coddling and love…..I’ve taken to writing it all out. As I generally love to do when life happens.
It’s all had me observing more now than ever, in this day and age, that we’re able to pretty much get anything we want, at anytime we want, and any way we want. Apps, google and social media have given us access to instant “hang outs”, information and Ill just boldly say- hook ups, at the drop of a hat.
A sense of slow release and “getting to know someone” has turned into a thin line, of hoping from platform to platform trying to meet our needs to be seen, desired, connected with and loved.
This posting is going to end quite open ended… my intention was to share, write, release, ponder and ease this funny feeling in my body……no regrets.. just reflections, thoughts, feelings, and emotions 🙂
There are no labels of whether all of these happenings were good or bad. They just were……
Stay tuned 🙂