My Weekend Realization: Guilt Is Tearing Me Down

Happy Monday everyone 🙂

I’ve just come back from a wonderful weekend in Seaside, Florida. I was there on a wellness retreat given by Ancient Nutrition. Ancient Nutrition is a company founded by Dr Axe that offers bone broth protein powders, collagen powders, pro-botics and more.

What was intended to be a very relaxed weekend. I had quite the opposite experience. My stress came to a head and next thing I knew I was crying to a fellow retreat attendee sitting on a white bench over looking the greenish blueish ocean.

One of the main causes of stress that I came to identify was guilt.

Guilt for not seeing my family at home in Missouri enough.

Guilt for not responding to every message in my Instagram DM.

Guilt for not calling or seeing all my friends enough.

Guilt for running late to a job.

Guilt for having a cookie.

Guilt for not more aggressively pursuing personal training.

Over the years I have established some unspoken set of rules for myself.

“Visit your family more often or else they will not love you as much.”

“Message every single person back on all social media platforms, Imessages, bumble inbox, facebook messages, email and do it RIGHT THIS MOMENT or you will look like a selfish jerk who only cares about herself.”

“Call your friends more or else the connection will not be as strong and you will appear as if you don’t care about them enough.”

“Be on time EVERY SINGLE TIME or you’re a horrible person so people don’t assume you’re lazy or don’t have your shit together. And because it’s rude of course to make other people wait.”

“Don’t you dare have a bite of a cookie for the next month or else you’ll fail on your diet, gain weight and loose your modeling jobs.”

“You better start personal training while you have modeling money coming in or else you are going to fail in the future. You’re dumb and stupid and not a smart girl if you don’t take it all on right NOW.”

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a universal moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation. Guilt is closely related to the concept of remorse.

These last few months I felt I have been compromising my own standards that I have set for myself. I felt I have been failing and letting myself and others down therefore causing a lot of guilt to stare me in the face every morning.

This past weekend helped open my eyes that I need to start addressing my shame and guilt. Because it’s really bringing me down. It’s causing painful headaches every single day and wearing on my energy levels. This negative self talk does not do anyone good.

Here’s to the start of healing, growing and being kinder to myself thus being kinder to those around me.

Maddy x