Wow it’s been a minute since I have wrote. My fingers feel good on the keys. Light. Sparkly. Full of lots to say. Lots to feel. Lots to reflect on.
From time to time I have moment’s in life where everything literally stops… and I feel fully present. Fully alive. Fully AWAKE.
The brain is constantly thinking, analyzing, paralyzing. The mind brings us the biggest highs and lowest of lows.
As a hopeless teenage romantic… a young girl at heart…. dreaming of a life full of pleasure, happiness and ease…. my mind and body and soul slip into that space tonight.
I’m listening to music that brings nostalgia and ease. Moments when back in Cape Town….. New York……Miami……
These are all times when i’ve felt ALIVE. Free.
Last weekend I was meant to be moving into an apartment. These past 11 months I have been living with my cousin and her family. The time here has been so overwhelming crazy, loving, beautiful, challenging, eye opening, nerve racking, laughter cracking.
Months of looking forward to having my own space….. the morning of the move. My gut spoke up and out. It was telling me it’s not time yet. Most importantly it wasn’t time to move out with a stranger. So I listened. I backed out of moving. CAN YOU DO THAT? You might be thinking? After signing a year lease can you REALLY change your mind?
Well.. that is to be determind…. the leasing office said they’ll re-list it and we will be out of the contract when it’s filled. Pray to the heavens it goes smoothly….
Point is… nothing but death is really permanent. Listening to your gut is GOALS for practicing more in every day life.
Chasing highs in life? What do we think about that? Moving for modeling had times of the biggest highs and lowest lows. But I’d felt alive………………………….can’t have one extreme without the other.
and so I continue to navigate this “reality” thing….. dogging fear and darkness in my mind…. searching for the highs and happiness……it’s a beautiful life.