Dating App Dance

Dating App Dance

Last fall I wrote about my summer’s experience getting on my first dating app in Los Angeles. I was very hesitant at first and really had judged people who were on them. Once I let that judgment go, there was a curiosity to try the apps, so I gave them a go. You only live once, right? 🙂

Almost a year later of jumping on and off the apps, I can’t say that i’ve found prince charming. However, I’ve learned more and more about what I want and A LOT of what I don’t want in a partner. Some conversations on the apps never get past a “Hey how’s it going?” Other’s we’ll text on and on for a few weeks and then one of us ghosts. Other times we’ll go out a few times and then the interests falls off.

Being vulnerable

Is a big component while dating. You’re giving up your time, energy and the risk of being seen when you date someone. There’s a fun, bubbly, nervousness that happens right before you meet the person. I mean, it’s basically a blind date. So many thoughts run through my head.

Will they smell?

Do they look like their picture?

What if they are boring?

What if they are amazing?

I’ve experienced all of the above questions this past year.

The most recent flop was last week. This guy and I had been messaging for about a month. He was cute in his photos, we had a 7 out of 10 on the scale of interesting conversations, so finally we met. We met at Whole Foods in Venice. I was kinda ok with the date location and  and kinda not. Some of these Whole Foods can be quite fancy with bars and a restaurant to eat at, so I didn’t think much of it.

We met and there was a bit of charm to him. So right off, I was interested.

We took the first awkward hug and set into the store. Between asking general questions, how was your day etc, he started grocery shopping. I said to him, “Doing a bit of shopping before dinner?” and he turned to face me and said, “Oh, I thought we were making dinner.?” as I responded “Uh and where are we making this dinner.?” Well his place of course he said, it’s just around the corner.

I stood slightly annoyed and aghast while quickly thinking to myself, Uh do I just go with it or say how I truly feeling which is, are you out of your fucking mind, WE JUST MET. I responded in a nicer way, and said, “Great idea, but I’m not comfortable with that. We just met.”

Now, I will share that the ability to say how I really felt had come with practice over the last year. For some reason, us women often have this default and fear of looking “crazy” or “difficult” or “ungrateful” to men and hiding what we really think. I use to tell myself, Ah just be OPEN and FREE and blah blah blah.

So maybe the old me would have went along with it and gone to cook at his place not wanting to rock his plan…

Nah, not this time. He suggested we hop across the street to a bar. After about 25 minutes of forced conversation and long pauses, we both looked at each other and decided it wasn’t working. Why waste our night?

So, all in all the little encounter was only an hour long. Other time’s when I haven’t felt a connection with someone, i’d just drink more to make it less painful, or push through boring convos and waste my entire night.

You don’t owe anyone anything. Be sweet. Be genuine. Be real.

Be smart with your time and theirs.

Stay tuned for more fun stories on dating 😉

Maddy x