Yesterday, I made the conscious decision to loosen the reins on life quite a bit.
Summer has been all about outputting energy, time, thought, and control to making shit happen.
Stretching my neck out for a new modeling agency, new waist measurement, new Instagram management, new Personal Training venture, new diet, more followers, more friends, and more dating!
It’s been fun, I must say. The dating part, that is. I’ve opened myself up to being vulnerable and “myself” to many people. I’ve followed all the “rules” i’ve collected for myself, and spent hours thinking about. If I could only calculate how many hours to wait to respond to this person, or MAKE SURE they check off 27 “must have qualities” on my list, then I’d nail it.
You’d think I’d be married now. HA. But guess what, no matter how much time or energy I mentally put into all of this, the same result still stands. Did I learn a few things? Heck yes. Did I meet some fun and interesting people? You bet.
What I am getting at here is, I’ve found myself out putting so much mental STRESS on so many aspects of my life. Of course this all stems from fear, the root of all evil. It started to take the front seat of my life back in the April when I SCARED myself into thinking i’d loose my fit modeling job, and then the ball just rolled on out there.
I’ve had the worst chronic headaches since, and any time something about my future, diet, dating, home life, ANYTHING pops up in my mind, a nice little sting in my temples and forehead come up with it.
So, along with the change of seasons is coming the change of how I see myself in the world. How I go to bed with myself at night and what I am saying to her.
Are they nice thoughts? You better believe I am going to start saying nice things. I’ve already noticed a significant difference today with my thought patterns and stress level. There were 99 triggers that could have put me into panic mode today, and not one of them set me off…. well.. not as much as they have been 🙂
So this I purpose to myself and anyone else who may be able to relate (I’d love to know guys if you can, message me!)
Fall is going to be the time to “fall” back. Fall back on the mental gas petal that has been going FULL SPEED this summer trying to make shit happen. I’m going to practice down shifting from, if I could just think about that email HARDER or think about that workout HARDER or think about how I am going to date this person HARDER, and I’m letting that go right here right now people. Because it’s just darn draining and not a way to live 24/7.
Fall will be the time to:
Read more. Cook books. Leadership books. Books by Paulo Coalho. Spiritual books.
Love my body. Trust it knows what to eat and when to get it.
Connect deeper with my friends and family.
Letting creativity flow for future writings, shoots and more.
and fully knowing that all my chips are in the right place. Right out there to be picked up and made something out of. I’ve done the work, and by the way will still continue to. This is not a writing saying I’m giving up on anything. If anything, in my every day work and personal life ill be able to perform better when I am not constantly expending my energy on THINKING about doing better. It will just happen. I will being feeling better inside and that ALWAYS radiates on the outside.
Here’s to the next season 🙂